Russia's Memories
by Anonymous Improvement
Summary: Russia sings in the shower. He remembers all of the "good times" he had with the Baltic brothers. abuse, nongraphic, mild rape. better than the description lets on, i swear.


Russia's Shower

Inspired by the song "I can't decide" by the Scissor Sisters...because it's so Russia.

Warning: There is Baltic abuse. LOTS OF IT. and nongraphic, mild rape.

Author's Note: This is extremely dark and a little OOC.

Disclaimer: I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia, because if I did, it would have been super popular like it deserved 5 years ago when I was already way into it.

criticism welcome, reviews encouraged.

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Russia stepped into the bathroom, roughly slamming and locking the door behind him. He tiredly stripped himself of the many layers of clothes that kept him warm in the arctic weather of his country. Wearily, he took of his last article of clothing, smiling devilishly at how fun tonight was going to be. Despite his need for sleep, his long day of Belarus's advances, and his arguments with that idiot America, he couldn't help but thinking about staying up all night torturing his dear little Baltics.

He couldn't help but revel in the adorable screams he would elicit from them all night long, in more ways than less. He immersed himself in the great pleasure he got, and knew he would get later from abusing the smaller men, knowing every possible way to break them, degrade them further, make them beg for mercy. He shivered mildly, knowing he was getting off on their pain, on their deliciously hurt expressions, the beautiful tears that poured from their eyes as they were forced to beg for mercy, and the scars that decorated their bodies from past abuses, beatings, and whatever else Ivan could think up for them.

He smirked at himself in the mirror, a dark, horrible smile, before stepping into the shower, closing the curtain behind him. He turned on the water, welcoming the scorching water as it poured over his cold body. He happily returned to an old habit of his, one he hoped was not well known to the other countries, the water drowned it out mostly anyway.

"It's not... easy having yourself a good time." Ivan began to sing, his voice mildly off key, with a dark, cruel undertone.

"greasing up those bets and betters,  
watching out they don't four letter,  
fuck and kiss you both at the same time."

His thoughts returned to his sweet little Lithuania and Latvia with their tear stained faces, begging for mercy from his bed. Mercy, he wasn't going to give, as he licked a mixture of blood and cum from his hand. He shivered despite the hot water pounding against his body.

"smells like something I've forgotten,  
curled up, died, and now it's rotten.  
I'm not a gangster,  
Tonight, don't wanna be a bad guy,  
just a loner,  
and now you've gotten in my way."

Russia clenched his fist thinking about America for a second. That bastard needed to stay out of his way, just curl up and die so Ivan could do as he pleased. Ivan craved control, his sadistic tendencies made him so. After all, he was obviously not a bad guy, its just you shouldn't be preventing countries from becoming one with him... it was an important process.

"I can't decide,  
whether you should live or die.  
though you'll probably go to Heaven,  
please don't hang your head and cry."

Russia's thoughts happily returned to his Baltics. So deliciously trembling in fear, so innocently shying from his advances... so maliciously trying to leave him. In his head, Ivan was truely debating on their lives. Oh, the pleasure their suffering brought him, oh, how he had cared and loved for them, but they would try to leave. Russia just knew they would, and he wouldn't stand for it, they were not going to abandon him. Russia growled slightly, his possessiveness taking control as he grabbed for the shampoo and continued his shower.

"No wonder why,  
my heart feels dead inside.  
It's cold and hard and petrified,  
Lock the doors and close the blinds,  
we're going for a ride."

Ivan smiled sinically to himself, knowing what everyone truely thought of him. Maybe they were right, maybe he was cruel... heartless even, but why not? They so cruelly rejected the idea of becoming one with him, sometimes such things were necessary.

He flashed back to another room of his house. Here it was dark, much colder than the rest of the house...no...this room was far more true to Russia's intentions, far more true to his feelings. The door had been locked, the curtains drawn. Chains rattled in the background, Latvia was crying again. Futilely pulling at the chains, he cried and whimpered for help, Estonia powerless in his own...less than comfortable state. Lithuania hung with a resigned expression, his own will power to fight back gone, but Ivan knew Toris wouldn't give him the satisfaction he wanted, no, his screams were the ones that couldn't be heard echoing throughout the house...Russia would have to fix that. He grimly took a swig of vodka straight from the bottle, and sauntered over to Lithy, whip in hand.

Russia finished rinsing the shampoo from his hair.

"Its a...  
bitch convincing people to like you,  
if I stop now, call me a quitter.  
If lies were cats, you'd be a litter  
pleasing everyone isn't like you..."

Russia's expression hardened as he reached for his conditioner. Why didn't people like him? He couldn't even comprehend the reason, he was so likable! Everyone lied to him, even his Baltics. Ivan wasn't out to please everyone, his own interests always came first, but thats no reason not to like him. He began to wonder if maybe he was a quitter...no, that couldn't be it. He contemplated his chances of being liked as he lathered his hair.

"Dancing jigs until I'm crippled,  
Slug ten drinks I won't get pickled.  
I've got to hand it to you,  
you've played by all the same rules,  
it takes the truth to fool me,  
and now you've made me angry."

Russia smiled darkly, thinking back to all those who made him angry, oh how they would pay.

His mind flashed back to one of his saddest and painful memories with his Baltics. Russia had made Lithuania drink with him. Sure Lithuania could hold his liquor, just not as well as Russia...and certainly not after his drink was spiked. Of course Ivan only did it to get Toris to cooperate with him. Russia had a rough day, and wanted to take Lithuania, wanted to take him without his usual fight back and crying and angry yelling and hitting. He had picked up the smaller man, throwing him over his shoulder as he carried him back to the bedroom. He lazily tossed Toris onto the bed, and stripped him of his clothes. After properly restraining him, he woke the smaller man up, it would be no fun if he was asleep. Lithuania quickly came to his senses as he awoke, thrashing about, screaming, and crying to be released. Russia harshly slapped him across the face, silencing him. Ivan proceeded as planned, he only heard one protest. "I hate you. I hate you so much, and one day, I'm leaving you for America." Enraged, Ivan took him raw, giving him as little pleasure as possible... Toris barely even cried.

Russia steadied himself on the wall, unsure why he suddenly felt dizzy, but continued his shower.

"I can't decide,  
whether you should live or die.  
though you'll probably go to Heaven,  
please don't hang your head and cry."

Now Ivan was seriously considering their deaths. Getting rid of them would be so much easier than dealing with the pain of them leaving him. He knew he wouldn't be able to take it when that time came.

"No wonder why,  
my heart feels dead inside.  
It's cold and hard and petrified,  
Lock the doors and close the blinds,  
we're going for a ride."

Russia quickly dismissed the idea as quickly as it had come to his mind. Instead, he would enjoy himself torturing them until they were completely broken, completely his... he wouldn't have it any other way.

He thought back to the Baltics' shared room in his house. How they curl up together on their bed and only look peaceful deep into their sleep, which is even sometimes disturbed by nightmares of that day. He though about how easy it was to sneak in...lock the door...close the blinds...and make them cry in pain.

"Oh I could throw you in the lake,  
or feed you poisoned birthday cake.  
I won't deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.  
Oh I could bury you alive,  
but you might crawl out with a knife and kill me when I'm sleeping."

Russia frowned, going through the possibilities of the demises of the Baltic brothers. He cringed knowing the reason he had a lock on his door was because he was afraid of that happening. Did they really hate him that much? Would they try to kill him in his sleep? Yes. Russia already knew the answer, and thats why he was going to use and torture them for all they were worth, before they retaliated, or worse... left him.

"That's why...  
I can't decide,  
whether you should live or die.  
though you'll probably go to Heaven,  
please don't hang your head and cry."

Russia smiled darkly, knowing he did decide. He was going to let them live...but they would wish he choose the opposite. No. Maybe not, maybe he would kill them, when he thought they were going to leave, but that was always. He decided he needed to rethink.

Russia flashed back to his basement. Latvia was crying, his wounds were bleeding in great amounts and with his bound wrists and ankles, there was nothing he could do to help it. He was in a great amount of pain, Russia made sure of that, it wouldn't be fun if he wasn't. Estonia was trying to comfort him, just like he always did. The geek always tried to stand up to Russia at first, but then the fear overtook him and he took as much as he could to try to protect his brother. A futile effort, but an effort none the less. Lithuania also tried to comfort his brother, his own wounds bleeding, as he uttered comforting words to his brother, cautiously watching the whip, knife, pipe, and various other things used during their torture to ensure Russia was not reaching for another. Ivan smiled darkly as he took a shot of his vodka. "Shut up!" He harshly yelled, walking over to Latvia, roughly pulling him up by his bound wrists and leaning down, licking the crimson substance from his chest. Ivan's eyes gleamed cruelly with a predator like undertone, the perverseness of this action implied, though not encouraged, as Russia roughly slapped him across the face, throwing him to the ground once more, and walking out the door.

Russia shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist.

"No wonder why,  
my heart feels dead inside.  
It's cold and hard and petrified,  
Lock the doors and close the blinds,  
we're going for a ride."

Russia finished the song on a devilish note, as he dried his hair. He began to redress himself, happily awaiting tonight's events.

Lithuania's ear was pressed to the large wooden door, petrified as Russia finished his shower and song. Next to him, Latvia quietly cried, whispering for Russia to stop. Begging for him to stop, whether he was referring to the song, or a flashback, Estonia couldn't figure out. Estonia had his arms wrapped around his brother, shhhing him and whispering comforting words to him. "Latviiiaaaaa" he cooed, trying to calm him down, if only a little.

Lithuania quickly pulled back from the door. He was horrified, though he didn't let on to his brothers. He instead herded them from the door and back to their room "shh... it'll be fine...it's just a song." Lithuania lied, trying to comfort his brothers, though he checked over his shoulder in fear and resignation, knowing what was to come tonight. The scars on his back ached, knowing the treatment he would get later that night.

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i hope this was worth your read. please review. i may turn this into an actual story with chapters of all of this abuse and such, thoughts?


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